While i was not like you, toward the end of my time as a JW i was faking it all. I was out of love with my wife, i cared for her but i needed to be my true self and no way was she going to like it.
My confession destroyed her world. The fallout from that time is still falling 14 years later. I do not feel bad for what i caused her, sure i didn't want to hurt her but she also had the right to know and to find a new man to love her the way i didn't.
The life you lead is a result of the decisions you make.
I decided to move on, to rebuild myself, she decided to remain bitter and twisted. That's her journey and i have mine. You CAN decide where you want life to go, you CAN choose to be honest at therapy, you CAN choose to be honest with everybody, you CAN choose to change. You CAN choose to take drugs or not, you CAN choose...........
oz